Weekends

1. Friday night with the lovely D&T down at Ten01.  It is nice having friends that are okay with Nola coming along for the meal.  She was actually very sweet.  The cheese plate does not come near to rivaling that at the Observatory, however.  I think that they have shrunk their portions again, which might have been telling in the empty room that used to be standing room only. 
2. Nola's last dance class was on Saturday.  She ended up being the only kid there.  The teacher of this series was totally lame.  Didn't change up anything at all the entire 4 weeks she taught.  There was another teacher who covered for her on 2 classes and she was rad.  I found out her name and we'll stick with her next time around. 
3. We dropped Nola off to play with Ursula and her grandparents on Saturday night.  She had a ball, as did we getting out with Jessi and Chris.  Cheese Bar in SE Portland is pretty amazing.  
4. Genies for breakfast and OMSI for play on Sunday.

One year

It hasn't gotten easier for me.  It has gotten harder and I miss things for me and I miss things for her.  I've had lots of dreams about her this week.  My poor Dad.  I can't imagine losing your partner after 55 years together.  As my Dad said this morning, "I don't want to forget". 

Since turning 2

New things that Nola is saying, doing, loving, or hating.

1. She says "I miss you Mama" when I come home and when she wakes up.  
2. She is very into hearing made up stories about herself and her friends.  The minute I stop speaking I hear "and another story, Mama".
3. She is attached to her pajamas.  She really only wants to wear pajamas, or the top or bottom, all day.  We had a major freak out the last 2 mornings trying to get her into her regular clothing. 
4. She's digging finger painting and making hand prints.
5. She has switched from saying Dada to Daddy.  
6. She isn't a huge fan of the diaper change if she's in the middle of something.  Her response to me wanting to change her at these times "I'm Fiiiiine".

November

The dreaded Portland weather is here.  It is cold and rainy and dark.  I can only give back handed compliments to the winters here in the Pacific Northwest. 

For example, there is nowhere in the world that I would rather live than Portland, Oregon.  March through November. 

Or that the best part of winter here is when March comes around and the cherry blossoms fall and cover the street.  So many of the streets actually look like the road is pink.  I'll be able to see Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens clearly on my drive to work.  I'll start thinking of floating down the Sandy River.  It's only nice to have winter here so that I can be amazed by Spring. 

Or that Spring is now my favorite season, you know, since living in the Pacific Northwest. 

House rules

I saw a really neat post on a website about establishing house rules.  I put ours up on the fridge yesterday while Nola napped.  I didn't put the effort in it that was on the blog, with special paper and pictures and a glue gun, but it is a good start. 

• Be kind and be truthful
• If you mess up, say you are sorry
• Hug and kiss often
• Eat one piece of fruit daily and a dessert weekly

I can't remember the other two.

But it got me thinking that I should give myself some work rules.  Like, oh, don't blog at work.  Be a super hero for my boss lady. 

I spent the nap time yesterday writing a long overdue apology letter too.  Of course it came back as undeliverable due to not having a current email address.  While I can send it out USPS and hope that the house address is still the same, I wondered if I should just hold on to it for a bit instead.  I know that is totally wimping out, so I sent an email to someone who would know her current email address.  If I hear back, I'll send it.  So much for messing up and saying sorry.

Mondays

I'm fortunate to having Mondays off of work October-April.  My first year of this schedule was when Nola was first born.  I ended up spending most of those Mondays going to doctor appointments and doing errands.  The second year was a bit better, but I still ended up doing the mundane with her most Mondays.  This year I have made a point to focus on doing the fun stuff. 

We went to the pumpkin patch together the first Monday I had off and ran around Sauvie Island.  We went to the library for story time and then for open gym at the Sellwood Community Center on the second.  I have her signed up for a toddler's judo class now with one of her friends.  If only daylight savings time had been kinder to her, that is where we would be right now.  Instead she is trying to fall asleep and failing miserably.  Next week we will be back to attempting shoulder rolls with the other kids.

I am hoping that she likes her afternoon surprise of going to pick leaves for a project at home followed by a small treat at Baker & Spice. 

I'm lucky to have my job that allows me this flexibility.  I truly am and I need to remember it more often.  It gets so easy to forget the fortunate parts of working, especially when I am away from her. 

Sarasota

I'm preparing to buy tickets for our Christmas vacation to Florida.  It is a difficult trip this year and I'm finding myself coming up with roadblocks outside of money to skip the trip.  Obviously it would be the best thing to just go.  My Mom's passing was a year ago next Thursday, Christmas is my Dad's birthday, my Dad was just out here for almost 3 weeks,The Brother and his lovely family may come down, and it won't be raining there.  Shit, it's Florida in winter!  The Selby Gardens!  The beaches that my daughter won't allow her precious feet to touch!  Eating dinner at 4:30 p.m.!

Although the last trip was very tough too (May, almost 6 months after my Mom passed), I just feel like this one is going to be so emotional.  During my Mom's passing, I was lucky enough to have my sweet girl with me.  Through all of the pain and anguish of losing my Mom without really having time to prepare, I was able to focus on my girl too.  I remember going to bed after the folks from the funeral home left with my Mom's body.  It was almost 5 in the morning and my eyes and heart and head hurt.   I was feeling a discomfort from the comfort of the Hospice nurses.  I looked down at Nola on the bed and thought she would just be waking up at home.  3 hours with the time change sounded like more of a sentence than a gift.  She ended up sleeping in until 10:30 a.m. EST.  The picture below is a one of "carry on" to me. 

Tickets are pricey and it's daunting to put out over $750 per person counting needed bags.  Maybe I'll find some peace showing Nola some of my Mom's things that are still there.  I'll make her stuffed green peppers one night, a puff pancake the next morning.  Oral history is important, no matter whether it is a story or a supper.

I was told that the first few months are the hardest.  I have found that true for break ups in romantic things and in friendships, but not with my Mom.  I remember going back to work and saying "my Mom passed" and being okay.  I can't say those words without crying now.  It'll pass too, I know that.